Anonymous: 27

lacking-regret:

Well, this is oddly specific since I just went through a really ugly breakup, but I’ll go ahead and answer it anyways. Looking back through my response, it kind of turned into a jumble mess, and I apologize for that. I’m not very good at putting my feelings onto paper.

  • 27:A description of the girl/boy I like.

Let’s see. How can I describe Katie. 

This is going to take a very, very long time, so I’ll just start with her personality/characteristics.

She’s extremely intelligent, even though she doesn’t think she is. I sometimes make fun of her for “stupid” stuff she does, but it’s only because we have a way different sense of humor, and I’m much more sarcastic than she is. Whenever I do poke fun at her, it’s just because she did something so… odd, that I can’t help myself from chuckling and smiling. Her sense of humor is really cute, mainly because she’ll be sitting there and then a smile will just light up across her face and she’ll giggle a little bit. She doesn’t ever want to share what she thought since she thinks I’ll find it dumb, but it usually is actually pretty funny. She doesn’t understand sarcasm at all, and also can’t lie to save her life, but she’s pretty good at masking her feelings. She’s the most stubborn girl I’ve ever met, which tended to clash a lot with me since I’m extremely stubborn myself, and I tend to insist on things a lot. She has one of the most optimistic attitudes I’ve ever seen, except when it relates to her. She has really bad anxiety about trying new things and going out of her comfort zone, so she always tends to think that things relating to her will turn out for the worst. She’s extremely friendly, and she always looks for the best in people, no matter what. I tend to be extremely sarcastic and judge people I haven’t even met, since I’m personally very afraid of meeting new people and being judged myself. Hmmm. She’s very organized. Everything has to make sense to her before she does it, and she has a hard time just going with the flow and letting life take you where it wants to. I think that also has a lot to do with her religious beliefs. She’s not a perfect little christian girl or anything, but she does believe that God made a specific path for her, and that no matter what she will find a place, but that everything is intended for a reason. I on the other hand am scared to death of the idea that I don’t control my own destiny. She’s always looking to help other people and she has no idea how awesome of a person that makes her.

Now I guess I’ll just describe her physically.

She has the most beautiful, infectious smile I’ve ever seen. Just seeing her smile once makes my whole day a little bit better. Her voice is extremely soothing, and hearing her just talk about the randomest things can calm me down. She has these piercing greenish/brown eyes that always betray what she’s actually thinking or feeling, and looking right into them just make me feel at home. Her hair is an odd, but fun color, its really bleached at parts from how much she runs in the sun, but the rest is this lovely brown with a slight red hue. She has the loveliest collar bones, perfect for tracing with your fingers. She also has a few freckles on her arms and back that I just love to see, but have absolutely no idea why. She’s quite tall, even a little bit taller than me, but it’s all legs. Her legs are absolutely gorgeous, and are perfect examples of why I’d rather have a girl with strong thigh and calf muscles than someone with some unhealthy thigh gap. She has plenty of nicks and scars on her legs from running, since she tends to trip and fall a few times a month. She has this really fun scar from where she had a mole (or something, I forget the name) removed, and you can still see where the stitches were. I have no idea why I like it, I just do. She personally doesn’t think very highly of herself, but I’ve never found a single thing about her body that I haven’t liked. Her nose is adorable, I find the double piercings of her ears really cute, and the little hairs that are always dangling and free when she puts her hair up always make me smile to myself.

Prom. This just deserves a special section here. Holy oh my god fjdskfl;sa she was absolutely gorgeous at prom. Her dress was beautiful, her hair was perfect, and she was all smiles which just made everything so much better. Taking the 100+ bobby pins out of her hair was really fun at the end too, since it was kind of the first time she ever really just let herself go and allowed me to actually show her some affection to her in public. The mom at the house we were at actually came up to as about 30 minutes in and told Katie she was lucky that I was so patient, but I mean, she was the more patient one in my opinion. She sat there as I pulled and tugged at her hair, since I’m just a dumb boy and am terrible at bobby pins. Falling asleep with her in my arms later that night was just amazing too. She just fit so perfectly, and everything was warm and everything was just right. It just felt right I guess.

Music. Oh man. Her music taste was just perfect. She loved indie/alternative. Singer/songwriter, solo guys were probably her favorite. Ed Sheeran, Parachute, the list goes on and on. She also used to have this playlist of just some of the most raunchy love making music ever made, and it was hilarious. The highlight of our relationship for me was probably when she made me the first mix cd she made. it was only a few weeks into our relationship, but she said all the songs reminded her of me. It was absolutely beautiful, and I still have the cd laying around somewhere. It’s all I have left of her now I guess.

Things she does that I like? She almost always closes her eyes when she kisses, and after the kiss is done she shudders a little bit, and then slowly opens them and just stares into your eyes. I’ve never felt so close to somebody else, when she does that it just feels like you’re connected. She has a habit of falling asleep everywhere, and I mean everywhere. More often than not when we were laying down or on a couch or something, she was probably curled up napping or resting. When she sleeps, and I mean like actually sleeps, she twitches and fidgets a lot, and sometimes she’ll wake up with cramps or charlie horses from it. She would always let me just lay with my head in her lap when I was upset, and she would play with my hair and just look at me, or talk about random things. Even if she didn’t know what to say or how to make things better, just the silence was comfortable enough to me. There are hundreds more things that I can put here, but I just simply don’t have the time.

We tended to bicker a lot, but it was usually about stupid stuff like jealousy or being upset at something I did that was stupid, you know, the normal stuff. We always got over it, and I never held any of it against her.
She was also the first girlfriend, and friend in general really, that actually cared and understood and accepted me and my ADD. I mean, it’s really bad. She was always understanding and listened when I just wanted to scream about how unfair life was for me at tmes, and how hard things were. She kind of grew tired of me acting a little bit like a little kid sometimes, but she never really held it against me. I always found the fact that she just accepted that I had ADD really awesome. She never brought it up, even when I knew it was frustrating her to no end, and I really wish I could just go back and thank her for that.


I used to think she was beginning to love me. I mean, I was absolutely head over heels for her. I thought she was the most perfect thing in the world, and I was perfectly okay with giving up anything for her. She hadn’t ever had a serious relationship before, so she wasn’t really sure what she wanted I guess. When we moved to college, I never really gave her the full time to adjust, and I guess I smothered her a little bit. We fought a lot for a while, and finally she decided that she had had enough. I guess she just wasn’t happy with me or the way I was acting anymore. I mean, I was kind of being an ass, but I was having a hard time adjusting myself. I got jealous of guys, I got really needy and clingy. So no, if you want to know, I’m not upset with her for breaking up with me. It was the right thing for her to do I guess. All I wanted to do was make her happy, and if I was causing her to be unhappy, then it was perfectly right for her to end it. I do wish I could have her back, and I would probably give anything just to be able to hug her and have her say everything was okay, but I have to learn to get past it. She’s happy now, and although it really hurts that she’s happy without me, I’ve got to learn to accept it.

I guess that’s what I got to describe her right now. I have to finish reading a poem for class in an hour, but if I think of more after that, I’ll be sure to update this.

Katie, if you’re reading this, or even if it was you that asked this (which I highly doubt), do understand that I don’t hold any ill feelings towards you. I wish we could still be friends at least, I mean, it’s kind of awkward with us not being friends. I know you didn’t want to give it a second chance, or allow me to try and make everything up to you, and I guess I’ve just learned to accept it now. I just wish we could still talk I guess. You were a great friend. I miss you.

Edit: I’m adding some things I forgot to mention when I first wrote this. I finished my poem thing early, so I got some time.

Pets. Katie loves dogs, and hates cats. Like, with a passion. That stems from her being completely clawed and attacked by one when she was younger. She likes kitties though, a little. My favorite date with her was probably when we went to this awesome pet store where you can play with kittens and puppies. And we played with this kitten who, although completely adorable, still kinda scared Katie. But then we had this adorable puppy and her smile was just perfect. She has two dogs, Anna and Lola, who do the cutest, but sometimes dumbest little things. They loved to lay with us, which was always fun. haha. 

Foooood. Katie loves food, and then hates food. Her favorite thing to eat is probably dark chocolate or pancakes. She makes her pancakes really raw, which is very mehh, but they’re still pretty good, especially when we add blueberries or chocolate chips to them. She also loves fruit smoothies and french toast, but she doesn’t like steak or eggs. Her favorite place to eat is probably olgas or just at home. I took her to a hibachi grill one time and she absolutely loved it, and the older couple we ate with were so nice and friendly. She talked with them a lot, and we found out the old guy had cancer and he was in town for a chemo treatment. He was really uplifting and positive though, which was fun.

Another thing, she hates being in debt to people. She doesn’t like me buying her things, but then again she does, but then she feels like she owes me something. She also hates her own birthday, and likes to pretend like it’s just another day. It’s odd, but it’s just something that makes her who she is.